A Cry from the Heart of a South African Refugee in a Camp in Serbia
I am very disappointed that I won my appeal, and still nothing was done to free me from camp life or allowing me to work to start replenishing all the money I lost due to not being legally allowed to work. I am disappointed that after winning my appeal, my asylum process is not over yet and I am free again. It makes no sense to me that I win my appeal and there is nothing official about it sent to this camp. The camp staff says they have heard nothing about me winning my appeal. And I am even more disappointed that my case is not over yet even though I won my appeal, and that my case has to start all over again with another interview with the very woman who made me lose my case the first time. The woman who really doesn’t care if I live or die, who originally wrote the opposite of everything I told her and omitted the most important things. My interpreter ignores me every time I ask for official interpretations, and she is not in charge of medicines and refuses to purchase the medicines the hospital prescribes, behaving still as she did when she managed to interfere with the process of me having my false leg repaired. For six months she made me wait, refusing to make the appointment for me, with all kinds of lies. I eventually got security to make the call for me.
Since I don’t want to live my last years in camp, where I am isolated from the world and civilization, and sincere people, in a country where nobody believes me when I have only spoken the truth and where police treat me like a criminal when I have been the victim. I long every day for some normal people around me, who I can trust, who care about me, or love me, but all I am here is like a lonely horse in a stable, with nothing to do and nowhere to go, for 13 months now. Forgotten. Lied about. I left South Africa to find safety, happiness and freedom, instead I have been drained of every last penny for no reason, in a country where people are only skeptical, unsympathetic, judgmental, lazy, and dishonest.
I think the only way this horse will every get out if the stable to be free to run again, is if she finds a husband online in her home country. That way, someone who cares and loves me will also take care of me, and I will have a home, an address to return to in South Africa where there are no stray dogs on the streets or dying in the snow or people throwing stones at them. Every time I have tried to keep a puppy alive in this camp, sneaking it into my room and syringe feeding it, because it is too weak to drink or eat, they force me to put it out in the snow where it dies. My soul is broken from everything. All my puppies, except one, have died. Every time I die a bit more also. Every day I am in this camp I die a bit more.
Authorities in Serbia feel nothing for anyone, especially a foreigner like me. If I die or my soul and spirit dies they don’t care. I am just forgotten here. I could be in this camp for years. I didn’t leave my country to become a camp inmate prisoner or to die slowly. I left my country to try to emigrate legally with a visa, looking for a new life, not death. I tried to get away from death and rape. But here my soul and spirit have been murdered and raped, slowly. Serbia has finished me. My country is harsh and cruel also, but at least there, it will be a quick death, not long and drawn out like this.
I have no money left for a ticket, or to get my luggage back, or anymore an address or home to go back to in South Africa. I have no more weapon or gun license, which I sold to come here. I do not trust my family there anymore, or my city, where most of the murders and rapes occur. I hope to return to the city of Cape Town, western Cape where it is somewhat safer. I have nobody in South Africa to even fetch me from the airport, much less help with accommodation. So I must find a South African husband or boyfriend online, who will take care of me there, and then I can legally work again to replenish everything I have lost in Serbia, including my dignity and appearance, and my soul which have all been destroyed here. I hope to be free again.
Please tell me if Serbia will pay for my deportation and for sending all my suitcases. My entire life is inside my suitcases, including all the makeup I use to run my business. I need them. I need my photos and laptop. I need everything from my past life to start again. I need to free myself from this horrific nightmare camp life, where I am an isolated prisoner in four walls day and night, for weeks and months and over a year now. It’s too long for anyone to remain in solitary confinement, punished for being a victim in two countries. God saw all. And I will write a book about this. If my friends online say I did nothing wrong, then why can’t Serbian authorities see it too. I only ever told the truth, wrote to everyone for help and no help came. I did everything right, according to the letter of the law. I paid for everything with my last money and with my last hope to free myself. I have so much to tell. It was a long hard struggle, which I lost. I am all alone in the world with nobody and nothing and I am tired, exhausted now. I can’t fight for my basic human rights anymore. I have only been truthful and sincere, and I suffered hard for it. I want to be free now, and if deportation is the only way, then I will accept it.
What is the deportation procedure? What should I know please?
Name omitted to protect the writer
From a Refugee Camp in Serbia
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